On January 5, 1886, U.S. Patent No. 333,564, issued to William Stanley, Jr. on a System of Electric Lighting.

William Stanley Jr. was born in Brooklyn, New York, on November 28, 1858. The ‘564 was one of 129 patents, mostly related to electrical lighting, he received during his career. Among other things he invented the first practical AC transformer and the first complete system of high voltage AC transmission including generators, transformers and high-voltage transmission lines.

In 1913, he also patented an all-steel vacuum bottle, and formed the Stanley Bottle Company. Yes, that Stanley Bottle Company. The original simple reusable water bottles that were a success among blue-collar workers and outdoorsmen, it was not until 2016, long after William passed, that the company launched it’s Quench line of tumblers that became so popular.

In another footnote of history, William’s son, Harold Stanley, went on to found the modern day financial firm of Morgan Stanley with J. P. Morgan’s grandson, Henry Sturgis Morgan.

On January 4, 1921, U.S. Patent No. D56,894 issued to Augustus H. Sell on an article of manufacture — a campaign button design for the Warren Harding and Calvin Coolidge:

Augustus filed on July 16,1920, weeks after the June 12, 1920, nomination of Harding and Coolidge at the Republican Convention in Chicago, Illinois, and the patent issued on January 4, 2021, two months after their November 2, 1920, election (but two months before their March 4, 1921, inauguration). However, due to to Harding’s premature death in 1923, the Augustus’ design was useless for the 1924 election.

It is unclear whether Augustus; design was ever used. Campaign buttons from the era were much simpler in design:

On January 3, 1995, U.S. Patent No. 5,377,411 issued to Demetrios Andriotis on a Hair Cutting Appliance:

Demetrios created a haircutting appliance comprising “an enclosed housing having a hollow handle connecting the housing to a vacuum source to carry away cut hairs from a subject’s head.” It sounds like a Flowbee, patented by Rick E. Hunts:

Hunts started in 1988 selling Flowbees from his garage before finding success with late-night informercials. By 2000, he had sold more than two million Flowbees.

On January 2, 2001, U.S. Patent No. D435802 issued to Donatella Versace on a ring:

If you like it, there is currently available on eBay for only $3995:

On January 2, 1985, Thomas Davis and Stephen Glasscock received U.S Patent No. 4,491,494 on Decorating Methods.

The patent says it all, folks. Happy New Year!

On December 31, 1968, Donald W. Davis received U.S. Patent No. 3,418,999, on a method of swallowing a pill:

The method of swallowing a pill comprises the steps of (1) taking a single swallowable amount of a liquid in the mouth together with a pill having a density in the range from about 0.4 to about 0.95, and a volume in the range from about 0.2 cubic centimeters to about 1.7 cubic centimeters; and then (2) bowing the head downwardly and forwardly while retaining said liquid and pill in the mouth, and then swallowing same while the head is held in said downwardly bowed position and the pill is floating near the back of the mouth.

This New Year’s Eve patent on a pill-swallowing method arrives just in time for anyone who plans to ring in the new year a little too enthusiastically—and needs to swallow something besides their pride.

On December 30, 1913, Dr William David Coolidge received U.S. Patent No. 1,082,933 on a method for making ductile tungsten for the purpose of making filaments for electric lamps — a task he was assigned when he joined the General Electric Research Laboratory in 1905.

Coolidge developed a way to superheat the metal tungsten in order to draw it out into the fine threads used for lamp filaments. Coolidge then improved the X-ray tube by using a heated tungsten filament cathode in vacuum producing electrons, instead of residual gas molecules in the tube. (U.S. Patent No. 1,215,116). This permitted higher operating voltages, higher energy X rays, and the treatment of deeper-seated tumors.

On December 29, 1903, Joseph Karwowski, received U.S. Patent No. 748284 issued on a Method of Preserving the Dead.

Karwowski explains that he first surrounds the corpse with a thick layer of sodium silicate or water-glass. After the corpse has been thus enclosed within the layer of waterglass, it is allowed to remain for a short time within a compartment or chamber having a dry heated temperature, to evaporate the water from this incasing layer, after which molten glass is applied to the desired thickness. The glass can be molded into a rectangular form, as shown in the Figures.

Finally, the heirloom nobody asked for.

On December 28, 1993, John B. Long of Sarasota, FL, received U.S. Patent No. 5,273,766 on Tenderizing Meat:

The meat is supported on the hemispherical wall of a water-filled tank, equidistant from an explosive charge. The explosive is detonated and the resulting shockwave apparently tenderizes the meat. Surprisingly, Long was not the first to use explosives to tenderize meat, in which quite literally seems like overkill. Godfrey, received U.S. Pat. No. 3,492,688, on February 3, 1970.

Although significant tenderization was documented using explosive-based technology according to Long ‘766, a number of technological limitations existed with this approach. The meat had to be packaged to avoid contact with the water potentially containing residue from the explosion. Vacuum packaging was preferred because the rapid pressures generated by the shock wave would otherwise cause bag failures, thus exposing the meat to the water in the vessel and to potential combustion products from the explosives. These high infrastructure costs inhibited the commercialization of a chemical explosive-based system. See, US20040097180.

Subsequently, Long improved the concept with a shock wave that was electrically generated with a capacitor discharge system. See, Long, U.S. Pat. No. 6,120,818.

On December 14, 1965, Donald J. Gribble and Henry E. Bennett received U.S. Patent No. 3,223,070 on a Dairy Establishment:

The “establishment” featured large water tanks in the ceiling which allowed operator to pull a chain and flush the cow “exhaust” from the facility, eliminating the unpleasant task of shoveling the “exhaust.”

The invention was implemented with success, and the patent owners tried enforcing the patent, but when the case reached the Supreme Court in 1976 (Sakraida v. Ag Pro, Inc., 425 U.S. 273 (1976)) the Supreme Court held the patent invalid as obvious from the Legendary Labors of Hercules — invalidating the patent on the basis of fictional prior art!

For those who don’t recall the legend, the King Augeas owned more than 3000 cattle which he housed in an enormous cattle stable. The stable had not been cleaned in more than 30 years. Enter Hercules, who told Augeas that he would clean the Augean Stables in one day if the king of Elis would give him a tenth of the cattle. Augeas agreed to Heracles’ terms.
 
When Hercules arrived at the stables, he knocked a hole into the side of the stables, and then set about diverting the rivers Alpheus and Peneus, so that they would flow through this hole. When completed, the water of these two rivers flowed through the Augean Stables, carrying all of the accumulated waste with it.

It didn’t work out for Hercules, however, because the King reneged on the deal and banished him. Neither did it work out for Ag Pro, whose patent was declared invalid. Not all good ideas pay off for their inventors.